A Brother's Desire

1996, 85 min

As Dexy’s Midnight Runners sang: "Oh! Gino!" Director Colbert has gathered a who-was-who of 1996 A and B-performers. You’ll recognize their faces and dicks. Just what were their names?

This is a queer spin of Tennessee William’s A Streetcar Named Desire (like the original wasn’t queer enough already?) with Blaine replacing Blanche. And WeHo replacing New Orleans. And desperation replacing talent.

Luckily we’re spared the endless tawdry soul-searching and melancholia, and there’s no rape. Vince Rockland, who to be honest I’ve never really fancied, graces the cover in just a jockstrap. That works for a lot of people so I’ll respect that and move on. But what the fuck is he doing on the back cover? Flossing his asshole?

Blaine (Yeager) enters a garden carrying two of the world’s lightest suitcases; are they totally empty? He’s arrived at the apartment complex of his brother Steven (Bishop) and is greeted by Stu (Ringo) a neighbor who’s been told everything there is to know about him by his brother. “Not everything I hope,” Yeager comments. A cry to be in the closet? Doesn’t really work when you deny your sexuality and make googly-eyes at the same time.

At the house (Oh My God who decorated, Helen Keller? At least there’s no naked lightbulbs) all the introductions are foreshadowing, and yep, here comes Rockland playing the Stanley character. He’s got his trademark blonde streak that makes him look like a badly colorized Lily Munster. Rockland simmers with animal passion, but needs to stop doing that flaring thing with his nostrils. Makes it look like someone passed gas on-set.

I’m not gonna mention the atrocious acting. I’ll just subtract a star from the rating and move on. Let’s not dwell. Finally, the first sex scene. Yeager showers and Rockland and Bishop get busy on the bed. Bishop tongue worships his boyfriend’s uncut prick and balls before giving his ass up. I forgot all about Rockland’s unfortunate penis moles. Makes it looks like there’s wastage on the condom! This is the first of many sex scenes and I’m hoping they’re not gonna all be this pedestrian. When both cum I’m afraid my mind was elsewhere. I found myself wondering about Rockland's hair. Didn’t anyone tell him it’s not butch?

In another apartment two pissy neighbors, hairy Erickson and smooth Ghere settle their differences the man’s way. Two great looking guys with great looking cocks sixty nine each other (trying not to gag on each other’s massively chunky numbers) before chowing down on each other’s buttholes. The hairy Erickson clambers aboard his partner’s sausage-rocket, riding away till his hairy torso is matted with sweat. He explodes all over his partner, who pulls out and delivers a similar load of gee-whiz. Shame the music sucks. Half a star taken off. Shame because otherwise, oh look, we have created enchantment!

Back at the house Yeager is being generally shitty. The recipient of his latest badly acted bile is paper boy Block. Yeager decides the best way to pay off the Morning Star debt is to suck Block’s cock. And chew his nipples. And lick his armpits. Block lets rip with the “oh yeahs” as he fucks Yeager’s eager mouth with his big brown equipment. Yeager is a great oral bottom but Block can give as good as he gets, tonguing his partner’s equipment before fucking his tight hole to a noisy climax. “I think I’m gonna like it in the city” he rhapsodizes.

More terrible acting here. Abridged version: Bishop is having a secret affair with neighbor Ringo (he’s the one with the “possessive boyfriend”). Bishop, who shares Jodie Foster’s soft “s” speech impediment, gives great tongue, licking Ringo’s armpits clean. “You smell like a man” he comments after burying his nose up there. I’m guessing Colbert’s big on them. There are loads of close-ups of them. Bishop shares his screen-brother’s passion (and talent) for oral-bottoming; in return Ringo gets his face fucked before screwing a hot tight ass that soon gets covered in jets of hot white cream.

This is like “Gay Secret and Lies”. No one’s being honest. Turns out the possessive boyfriend Ringo was cheating on, Taylor, is also having an affair, with poker buddy Wolff - cursed with a terrible Schwarzenegger accent. Dissolve to the two hairy studs naked, deepthroating each other and getting shaved balls hot, sweaty and sticky. Shame it wasn’t filmed in Odorama - that musky pungent odor gets my pulse racing. Taylor forcefully fucks his paramour, spraying his cum all over Wolff’s tight ass, and licking it off. Hot scene and Wolff is always great. What a performer. Shame he got deported.

OK. Everyone is cheating on everyone in this complex (did someone spike the water?) and the Rockland character Stan, who should be shitty but is nothing compared to the cunty Yeager is well aware of it all. But the acting is terrible so I had to fast-forward. I’ll still ruin the ending by telling you that Yeager has had the hots for his brother-in-law for ages and concocted the whole bullshit running away trip just to get closer to him.

And yes, Rockland’s old feller gets the going over from Yeager. Hope it’s worth it, you home wrecking turd. Yeager does all the work whilst Rockland sits there and looks “beautiful” whilst talking dirty. Worked for me until Rockland asks, “Like the way my ass tastes, like the way it smells?” and I’m afraid I was quite put off my Klondike bar. Yeager keeps doing the motions, including milking Rockland’s foreskinned wonder with his ass muscles. It’s great seeing these two cocks shoot. It looks impressive but also means the movie’s almost over. Well, I guess they’ve had this date with each other from the beginning.

Fast forward a week and Yeager is buggering off out of town, no doubt leaving a trail of broken relationships behind him. Good riddance to bad rubbish, I say. The cab driver turns up and Yeager is still in the shower. Yeager makes a pass (that cheap skank biscuit!) but the cabbie is having none of it. He’s played by the sadly missed Eric Stone, looking haggard at this point. He’s got another passenger waiting, who stomps in and starts bitching about being late for his plane. It’s Rob Lowe and I’m well aware that his career temporarily hit the skids mid nineties but didn’t think he’d sunk this low.

[Reader's note:
Of course it’s not really Rob. It’s irony! Please don’t sue.]

Lowe whines that this is coming out of Stone’s tip, but he’s got other tips on his mind, and we aint talking Q-Tips! Quick as a flash Stone is on his knees giving great head and Lowe is unbuttoning his shirt to reveal a great treasure trail. Hello? In a stranger’s house? Hello? When Stone takes his shirt off the body is amazing, and the two suck and jerk each other to great climax. R.I.P.

Yep, there is a lame line about kindness of strangers, but fuck me if I haven’t peppered this review with much more esoteric quotes.

Good movie let down by bad, bad performances. Blanche said it best - a woman’s charm is fifty percent illusion. Same goes here. No real extras on the DVD either, but it does allows you to jump forward directly to each cumshot. Nice touch. Stella!
-Froufrou A. Gogo

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